Its name is anxiety. It’s made up of fear, self-doubt, guilt, dread, and self-reproach. It ties your stomach in knots, makes sweat ooze from your pores, makes your head hurt, your memory blur, and your concentration dissipate. You can’t wash it away, will it away or beat it away. The only way to contain it is to embrace it, to make it your ally and your friend. How?

1. Although anxiety can unnerve you and make you feel paralyzed, consider its ability to energize you. Watch it carefully, without emotion or judgment distorting your vision, and you will see it raise the hairs on your neck, excite your thought processes, heighten your senses, stir your imagination and make you keenly aware of being alive. Trace its pathway through your body, coursing through your veins and touching every part of each extremity. Instead of fighting it, embrace it as if it were a natural amphetamine, a pill that makes you feel a little strange but also exhilarated.

2. Learn to recognize when it will come and anticipate its arrival with excitement. Without it, you are flat, beaten, dejected. Wait for it to come, welcome it, and view it as your body’s ally to focus yourself on the job search situation. Have your anxiety stay close to you, forcing you to be aware of your surroundings and ready to express your thoughts and feelings to a potential employer with enthusiasm and energy.

3. Talk to your anxiety as if with an old friend. Look at it as your best personal source of familiarity, camaraderie and support. Let it work for you, not against you and you have not only tamed the beast but have created a more enjoyable and positive environment for yourself. Your self-doubts will always linger but they are at a manageable level where you can calmly push them into the background while you concentrate on making a great self-presentation.

After a short amount of practice, you will find yourself almost in a panic before the anxiety arrives because you need that charge of energy to get you going and move you forward. Try it and see if it works for you.

About the Author

Dr. Bola operated a rehabilitation company, developing innovative job search techniques for disabled workers, for 20 years. A licensed clinical psychologist, she developed vocational programs for the mentally ill, served as a Vocational Expert for Social Security, Civil Court, and pioneered vocational testimony in Workers’ Compensation Hearings. She is author of The Wolf at the Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual (Authorhouse.com)

Separation anxiety affects both parents and children. Children display their discontent and fears by throwing temper trantrums, clinging onto parents for long periods and ignoring attempts by their daycare provider to calm their fears. Parents display separation anxiety by hesitating to exit the daycare, clinging onto their child for prolonged periods and performing disappearing acts when their child is not looking.

To help ease separation anxiety, change must start with the parents. Parents must first calm their own fears and insecurities. When children see parents more relaxed and confident at drop-off they begin to slowly warm up to their daycare provider and adjust to their new daycare setting. Parents can plan ahead of time by using some of these creative ideas to help ease separation anxiety.

Temporary Tatoos …

Visit your local grocery store and ask your child to choose a temporary tatoo of his favorite cartoon character. At bedtime discuss going to daycare with your child. Offer to place the tatoo on his hand as a special reminder that you are with him always. Remind him at drop-off that when he looks at the tatoo, he will know that you love him dearly and will soon pick him up after work.

Popsicle Treats …

Popsicles, especially on hot days, are a great treat for children. Purchase a pack with a variety of primary and secondary colors. Use the popsicles to teach him about secondary colors. Show him that two primary-colored popsicles can combine to form a secondary-colored popsicle. At daycare drop-off ask your child which color he would like to have at the end of the day. Ask him which flavor he thinks is associated with that color. Reassure him that he will be receiving his treat at the end of the day and that you will share precious time with him after returning from work.

Surprise Boxes …

Keep surprise boxes in your vehicle. Explain to your child that he may open the surpise box if he is good throughout the week. The surprise box may contain baby photos of your child, his favorite storybook, a favorite snack and a simple craft item that he can quickly put together.

Healthy Snacks …

Visit your local grocery store with your child and ask him to choose a variety of healthy kid snacks that he will pack and carry to daycare. Many children who are adjusting to daycare need something familiar to hold onto as they try to feel secure and comfortable being away from parents. If your daycare provider prepares meals, gradually reduce the number of snacks in your child’s lunch box until your child starts eating the foods prepared at the daycare.

Bedtime Stories …

Visit your local library and borrow books that focus on children going to daycare. Read these books at bedtime. From the pictures in the storybook your child will see other children going to daycare and will understand that he is not the only one experiencing separation anxiety. Ask your child about his day at daycare and try to determine if he is adjusting slowly or not adjusting at all. After a week or two most children adjust nicely to new daycare settings. For some children it may take longer.

If you suspect that your child is still not adjusting try to drop by the daycare unannounced to see if your child is interacting with the other kids. Look at his interaction with the daycare provider and the types of activities he is engaged in. Discuss any of your concerns with your daycare provider and allow time for adjustment. If there is no change after about a week or two try looking into other childcare options which may be better suitable for your child.

About the Author

Nicole Brekelbaum is the director at Young Achievers Inc. - A home-based learning center for aspiring youth located in Pflugerville, Texas. She has been providing childcare in her home since her career switch from working engineer to childcare director and mom.

About the Author

Teacher: Keeper of the Flame

Title: DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHO SUFFERS FROM DEPRESSION?
Author: Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
Email: mailto:editor@overcoming-depression.com
Copyright: by Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
Web Address: http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com
Word Count: 978
Category: DEPRESSION - FAMILY - HOME LIFE

DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHO SUFFERS FROM DEPRESSION?

Relationships in which one individual is depressed are nine
times more likely to divorce. Wow, the normal divorce rate
is already over 60% nationally! But, it’s not always a
spouse who is depressed, sometimes it is a child or an
extended family member.

In this article, however, we’ll be focusing on depressed
partners. Most people agree that marriage should be 50/50.
We all know this is an ideal, and, with the ebb-and-flow of
marriage, the percentages slide up and down but should do
so in both directions. For instance, one week the wife
gives 70% and the husband 30% and another week the husband
give 80% and the wife 20%. This is the way “ideal”
marriages work.

Unfortunately, this is not the case when chronic depression
enters the marriage. Let’s say that the husband has
chronic depression. The wife may pick up many of the tasks
that would customarily fall to the husband. Depending on
how long this goes on, an avalanche of negative momentum
begins.

The longer this process goes on, the more the wife begins
to feel resentful, hence, there is less compassion for the
one struggling with depression. Yet, for the wife, it’s
like being a single mother while married. I’ve been told
by many spouses that it would be easier to be a single
parent than to live with a spouse struggling with
depression, because it’s like having a special-needs child
in addition to all the other responsibilities.

I do not make any of these remarks to assign blame or
heighten anyones sense of being victimized. It’s very
important to understand that EVERYONE suffers when
depression attacks a loved one. Blame only functions to
create animosity and distance between two loved ones.

Sometimes the spouse of a depressed partner becomes
depressed as a result of living within a “depressed
lifestyle” for too long. Depression is said to be
contagious and can become a shroud over the spouse or
family. It’s also vital to consider that depression may
not only be genetic, but it can also be taught. You heard
me right. For instance, our children’s most powerful
classroom is the home. Both “Nature and Nurture”
contribute to depression.

Depression works its way into your moods, attitudes,
behaviors, tone of voice, posture, life outlook, personal
hygiene, work ethic, spiritual beliefs and so on. If you
live in a “depression atmosphere” you are constantly
modeling and teaching how to be depressed. I hope this
serves as inspiration for change, not shame. Shame only
feeds the power of depression.

The first step in a plan of action is to know that it is
actually depression that you’re dealing with. I won’t go
into those details here. You can find those answers at the
listed in my biography below.

Naming and accepting the problem is half the battle, for
BOTH spouses. Why? Well, when folks are depressed, there
is no obvious scientific evidence to prove it. And yet
people have an instinctive need to what is causing such
pain. The depressed person may project their negative
feelings onto those closest to them, i.e. a spouse, a boss,
the children, the neighbors etc. If you’re married to a
depressed person, at times you may question your own sanity.

You might blame external sources for your spouse’s
suffering. Without understanding, you might attack your
spouse, assuming they do not care or are lazy. What
appears to be marital problems, may, in fact, be depression.
But certainly marital problems can develop over time when
depression goes untreated.

Another important fact to point out is that men and women
experience depression differently and each will respond
differently when their spouse is depressed. This requires
two separate articles just to begin to respectively cover
gender issues involved in depression.

Here’s what to do. First and foremost, realize that
depression is the foe, not your spouse. Developing a “we”
instead of an “I” approach to depression treatment is vital.
A good recovery motto might be best summed up from the
cartoon, Bob the Builder: “Can WE do it? Yes WE can!”

Do everything you can to learn about depression. Seek
professional advice. If depression has been present for a
long time, both the relationship and the depression will
require attention.

Have individual and marital recovery plans. It’s the
surest way to give depression the one-two punch that can
knock it out of your lives. Write your recovery plans down
and spend time reviewing, modifying and noting progress
made.

Once depression is stabilized, create a list of “red
flag” symptoms. This serves as your safety net. If these
symptoms recur it would indicate that prompt attention is
required. Then list solutions you each are willing to act
on if you notice symptoms reappearing. Commit to this in
writing and each of you sign it.

Create external support systems. Note that I did not say
external griping sessions. There’s a major difference
between griping and purging. The former only feeds
righteous resentment, and deepens the depression problem
overall, and the latter helps clean you out.

Support pillars can be comprised of friends, colleagues,
churches, support groups and any place you decide is safe
to disclose to. Do not hide your dirty laundry in the
closet, so-to-speak. Depression loves to isolate
individuals, marriages and entire families. It’s one of
the primary ways it grows strong.

Do recovery activities together. Attend therapy or
psychiatry sessions together. Participate in online
counseling together. Read a depression recovery book
together. Exercise together, pray together or keep a mood
log together. If your children are at the appropriate age,
educate them about chronic depression. There are good
childrens books on chronic parent illness.

Most importantly, develop the “WE!” It’s you and your
spouse against this powerful depression foe. Together you
can do this!

Best recovery wishes and always let me know if I can be of
any help.

About the Author

Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW is an author, university
faculty member, success coach and veteran psychotherapist
whose passion is guiding others to their own success in
life. For weekly doses of the webs HOTTEST success tips,
sign up for Dave’s powerful “Feeling Great!” ezine at
http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com

Title: Faith Healing and Depression?
Author: Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
E-mail: mailto:editor@overcoming-depression.com
Copyright: by Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
Web Address: http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com
Word Count: 948
Category: DEPRESSION

Don’t worry, I’m not going to get in the pulpit but I will
challenge you to take an objective look at what faith may
be able to do for your depression. In doing so, we’ll be
looking at many people who use faith in different ways.

Did you know that someone who practices healing touch, such
as Reiki, which is simply prayer by channeling God’s love
and healing energy, can help a hospital patient’s wound
heal up to 5 times faster?

Were you aware that the great majority of happily married
couples, couples married 50 years and longer report in
public polls a long and strong faith background? Measure
that up against today’s divorce rates!

Did you know that devout Christians have fewer health
problems and live an average of 7 years longer than non-
believers?

Most helping professionals, including psychotherapists,
never touch this area of faith in recovery from depression.

Why? Well, I could talk long and hard about this single
issue, but I want to keep the focus on your recovery, so
I’ll just tease this out a little bit. We currently live
in an ultra-independent society (United States). Most
things only have value if they can stand on their own.
Yes, this particularly applies to us Americans. But, we’ve
also separated church and state, medicine and spirituality,
healing and faith, and on and on. I say enough of this
immature, black-and-white approach to life. It’s hurting
us to live this way and it’s time to reclaim
interdependence and begin living holistically again.

Christians are disrespected and often under attack. Most
never talk about their Christian beliefs in public for fear
of reprisal. Others are too embarrassed to admit that they
question the existence of God or are extremely disappointed
in God for one reason or another. Of course, then there
are Christian hypocrites who greatly embarrass Christians
of good integrity and give Christianity a bad rap. Being
fair though, I’ve met many wonderful Christians, but I’ve
never met a non-hypocrite. We’re all human after all.

What is the status of your belief in God or a Higher Power?
Remember, you’re only answering to yourself as you read
this so p-l-e-a-s-e be honest with yourself. Who or what
is God to you? What kind of a God or Higher Power do you
believe in? Are you in need of a God-belief makeover?

Have you ever wondered if God would help little ol’ you and
your depression? Have you tried this angle? Have you
given God the opportunity to BE WITH you as you struggle?
Or have you already put your own judgment above God’s and
sunk yourself into the quicksand of self-disgust and
despair?

You see, I know. In my deepest depression days I judged
myself unworthy of God’s healing embrace. I didn’t deserve
it. I felt humiliated to even consider it. There may even
be evil in chronic depression, insofar as it loved the
awful things I thought of myself — it kept me from a
relationship with God, it kept me from healing and it kept
depression growing stronger and stronger.

I’m not preaching God or a Higher Power as the ONE and ONLY
answer. That would be joining those I’ve criticized above.
Of course there are Christians who become depressed, and
some depressed Christians already pray ardently to God for
relief from their suffering. I am simply hoping to get
your attention for a moment.

Belief in something bigger than you is one powerful
resource that you can tap into this very moment. When
added to the many other available depression support
resources I have offered and will continue to write about…
Wow, you’ll become unstoppable in your recovery.

Here are five suggestions for you to begin your new journey.

1. The 3rd Step Prayer from page 63 of Alcoholics
Anonymous, one of the best kept secrets around.

“I offer myself to you, to build with me and to do with
me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that
I may better serve you. Take away my difficulties, that
victory over them may bear witness to those I would have
of your power, your love and your way of life. May I do
your will always. Amen.”

2. This is thanks to my good friend Jill: Visual Prayer
Cards - a wonderfully creative way in which to connect
and develop an ongoing relationship with God. You can
find more information here: www.comfortqueen.com/cgi-
local/print.cgi?results.html?291

3. And thanks to my good friend Nancy for this next
resource — the Encouragement Bible was developed by Dave
& Jan Dravecky and Joni Eareckson. Find more about how
to order it here:
www.outreachofhope.org/index.cfm/PageID/187/index.html

4. Sit and imagine the most peaceful scene you can in the
theatre of your mind. Now imagine God joining you in
this scene and the two of you spending some time
together, perhaps just holding you in His arms for 5
minutes per day. Do this on a regular basis and watch
the results.

5. Begin a Prayer Journal. Here’s a sample outline for
your entries. Begin with 5 gratitudes. Then list one
item having to do with your depression recovery and
request God’s help in this area. End with a “Caught Ya!”
section, where you document any time you caught God in
action during your day, whether in your life or in life
around you. Look for the “God shot!” It can be simple
or profound. For example, you realized you were
daydreaming while driving, but only noticed this after
you “safely” and unconsciously ran through a red light at
a busy intersection and no one got hurt.

May God’s love surround you like a cleansing white light.

About the Author

Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW is an author, university
faculty member, success coach and veteran psychotherapist
whose passion is guiding others to their own success in
life. For weekly doses of the webs HOTTEST success tips,
sign up for Dave’s powerful “Feeling Great!” ezine at
http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com

Are you suffering from e-mail anxiety? If you are not sure then ask yourself a few questions.

1. Have you recently encountered what you think to be a really great business opportunity or product that you would love to resell online?
2. Have you created a web page and began e-mail advertising on your new product or program?
3. Have you bought and paid for quality leads?
4. Have you signed up for more than just one program?
5. Are you spending more than 12 hours a day at your computer?

If you answered yes to at least 2 of these questions then you may be suffering from e-mail anxiety.

We have found a program/product or programs/products that we truly believe in. Then the hard part comes and we have to find a way to get our program/product in front of our customers. We learn that we have to advertise. Not having much money may limit our advertising so we begin with all of the free advertising sites or programs that we can find. We begin with the traffic exchange systems. We click and click and click away until our poor little fingers are cramping. We sit back and watch our mailbox as we anxiously wait for e-mails to come pouring in our inbox with signups to our program or sales for our product. We get lots of traffic to our site and a few free signups as members to add to our mailing list, but no sales. So we figure that we are going to have to devise a new strategy because we must be doing something wrong. Now we sign up for an ezine directory giving us an average of 50 people to mail to every day. We sit back and watch our mailbox as we anxiously wait for e-mails to come pouring in our inbox with signups to our program or sales for our product. We have worse luck with this approach because we get no visitors to our site and only a couple of free signups per month. So it’s back to the drawing board. Let’s try a safe list. Putting our e-mail advertisement in front of 700 people at once should bring in at least a good couple of paying members or a couple of sales right? WRONG. Now we have an e-mail box full of noloop e-mails that we are just deleting at once because there are so many to read! If we are doing this then so are the rest, so therefore our e-mails are not getting read. Ok so maybe the free advertising route isn’t the way to go to get the quick response that we are looking for. Hmmm here it says that we can send our promotion to over 50,000 people for as little as $15.00. Sounds like a good deal, so let’s try that. Now we learn what FFA pages are. Geez! Our e-mail inbox is flooded again with different types of e-mails that appear to be coming from some type of FFA pages. These are harder to determine which ones can be deleted since they came from many different types of e-mail addresses. So we have to handpick through these to make sure we are not deleting something important. And don’t you get so frustrated and angry when you find those that trick you into opening there e-mails with the tricky subject lines like, “Your payment has been processed” and then when you open the e-mail it’s just another marketer trying to sell you something? I mean give me a break! Who wants to do business with a sneaky little twerp that hides the truth from you? Ok so we chalk our $15.00 up on a loss. We are NOT I repeat NOT giving up on this! There HAS to be a way to get our product in front of the people that count. I know that others are doing it and so can I. I guess I am going to have to break down and pay for something. Here is an ad for a Bulk opt in mailing list of 300,000 spam free people for $70.00. They say that you pay for what you get, so let’s see if that old scenario holds any truth to it. We are anxiously waiting for the e-mails to start pouring in. I myself am personally afflicted with e-mail anxiety and can not wait to find a cure! Stay tuned for future updates on e-mail anxiety.

About the Author

Barbara Pinyan is the webmaster and creator of WebJunxsion. A developed in hopes of providing people with the best in work at home and business opportunity needs.

You can subscribe to the WebJunxsion Newsletter by becoming a member of WebJunxsion at: http://www.webjunxsion.com. You can also contact the author at Barbara.Pinyan@webjunxsion.com with any comments or questions that you may have.

This is why it is crucial that we get all of our holiday shopping done early. I usually start my shopping in September, and I like to have most presents bought by the 1st of December. This way, I can relax during the wonderful holiday. Why not create memories instead of sharing your stress? If you enjoy the holiday, your child will enjoy it ten times more.

Create a plan which will acomplish two tasks. The first “task” your plan will accomplish is to help your child wait for Christmas. The second and most important goal is that it will help you remember why the holiday is so special. Remember that fun time with your child doesn’t have to cost money. Create a plan to do one special thing every day for the 24 days before Christmas (starting December 25th). Your plan may look like the following:

1. Make homemade Christmas cards with your child and mail them to grandparents. Maybe incluce a photo of your child.

2. Make a Christmas wishlist with your child and mail it to the relatives.

3. Build a Snowman with your child or have a snow fight.

4. Make homemade Christmas ornaments.

5. Set up the Nativity and read the story of Jesus. Let your child “act out the story” with the figurines.

6. Make Christmas cookies or fudge with your child.

7. Go to the store and let your child pick out a gift to give to the needy.

8. Create a relaxing atmosphere. Turn off all of the lights except the Chritmas tree lights. Then use candles and/or a fire in the fireplace to create a warm enviroment. Make some apple cider or hot cocoa. Then spend the evening reading stories to your child.

9. Wrap presents with your child and put them under the tree.

10. Go out to eat. Let your child choose where you plan to eat.

11. Put together a puzzle with your child.

12. Teach your child a new card game.

13. Go to a Movie Theater & Buy a big tub of buttered popcorn. (It’s ok. Indulge yourself). Can’t afford the Movie Theatre? Make up a pretend movie theatre at home! Make popcorn, rent a movie and use fake money & fake paper movie tickets.

14. Visit a grandparents house.

15. Make your child’s favorite meal.

16. Make paper snowflakes together and hang them in the window.

17. Have each member of the family make notes for all of the other family members. Inside the notes, write a letter to that family member which includes what you appreciate about that family member. Then seal the envelope and decorate it with stickers. Young family members can draw pictures for each member of the family.

18. Dust off the Christmas Carol CD and play it.

19. Remember to plan a night out with your husband to get to know each other better. Leave the children with a FUN babysitter. Allow the children to order out pizza or go see a movie.

20. Make sure all of your presents are bought and wrapped. Let your child participate in putting together all of the last minute preparations.

21. Decorate your yard for the arrival of relatives.

22. Let your child help you bake the food.

23. Declare the day a NO VIDEO GAMES ALLOWED day. Prepare fun activities for the two of you to do all day.

24. Visit relatives or prepare a fun time together at home.

Whatever activities you plan, they will help both you and your child focus on the fun times you can enjoy in preparation for the holiday season.

About the Author

Sarah Delaporte is the owner of Freebie Coupon Corner. She loves helping consumers receive free groceries with her helpful e-book publications. If you want to receive free groceries, visit Freebie Coupon Corner at: http://www.couponcorner.net

For some women, PPD can be a nightmare. While her family and friends expect her to be joyous and elated over the birth of her child, a woman can be sinking into the darkest corners of despair, unable to cope with an infant, the biological changes surging through her body and the severe depression overwhelming her brain. As joyously anticipated as the birth of her baby was, a postpartum woman can become riddled with severe anxiety over her ability to care for her newborn, her self-esteem can plummet and her brain’s chemical changes can produce intolerable levels of panic. This is no one’s “fault.” It is a condition that can strike even the ordinarily soundest individual.

PPD is classified as a mental illness. Only a non-professional would categorize it as a character flaw or weakness. PPD is real, at times to the point of severe psychosis and should be treated as soon as the new mother begins to feel any mental or emotional changes that could affect her ability to care for her newborn. Even though some women will refuse to believe PPD is happening to them, her family, friends and especially her husband must be alert to the possibility of this condition. While you, I and most women we know might have breezed through the first year after the birth of our children with only occasional surges of panic or moments of near collapse, a significant percentage of women suffer more serious PPD. Only one percent succumb to actual psychosis leading to the tragic harm or death of babies and sometimes themselves The greatest threat is denial of their symptoms.

Early identification and treatment of PPD are the keys to successful therapy. If you or a new mother you know is suffering from even the slightest feelings of depression, anxiety or inadequacy, seek immediate help. The birth doctor will be able to identify the severity of symptoms and prescribe appropriate treatment.

About the Author

Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters. She maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com – http://www.rexanne.com -Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne’s Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html

Title: SINGLE MOTHERS AT GREATER RISK FOR DEPRESSION
Author: Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
E-mail: mailto:editor@overcoming-depression.com
Copyright: by Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
Web Address: http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com
Word Count: 934
Category: DEPRESSION

SINGLE MOTHERS AT GREATER RISK FOR DEPRESSION

In a recent study of 2,921 single and married mothers it
was discovered that single mothers have a 40% higher
incidence of major depression, with a depressive episode
lasting an average of 12 months.

There are two primary areas that catapult single mothers
into depression. These are:

1. Increased number of life stresses

2. Decreased amount of social support

These findings correlate strongly with my experience in
working with depressed, single mothers. What the research
did not address was the Catch-22 that single mothers are in.

If you are a single parent you already know what I am about
to say. If a non-married, childless adult observed all
that a single parent does throughout a day, they would need
two days sleep to recover from watching such an exhausting
day in the life of a single mom.

A single mother often does the work of three people on any
given day. Now, ask that single-mother to take time to
reduce a stressor and increase her social support system
and boy are you in for a fight!

There does not appear to be a way out. It’s love, duty,
hard work and little sleep for single moms.

Is there a better way?

Yes! However, before presenting it to a single mother,
you’d better make doubly sure you’ve done a glorious job of
attempting to understand what her average day is like,
FIRST!

When an individual is heard, and I mean really listened to
from the heart, they have a tendency to open up (”Seek
first to understand…”). Then you may have the opportunity
to offer suggestions.

Now, let’s flip the coin. Single mothers are often not
just exhausted, but can also be jaded, indignant, prideful
and stubborn. Life has not turned out the way they dreamed
it would. Perhaps there were marital dreams, dreams of the
perfect home, dreams of providing the best for their
children, dreams of spending more time with their children
and dreams of being the perfect family and more. All lost.

In place of those dreams they may have bitter feelings over
the marital loss, less than optimal living situations, no
“play” time with their children, visitation issues, child
support issues, financial stress and the list could go on
for many more pages, couldn’t it?

If you are a stressed-out single mom, please pay special
and close attention to what I wrote above (maybe read it
twice)… then read on.

Here are some ways to make your life easier. They are
listed in no particular order, except if you are moderately-
to-severally depressed. If that’s the case then Major
Depression (diagnosed by a professional) demands prompt
attention first and foremost. Please, please take care of
you! A few folks are counting on you to

1. Immediately seek help medically and professionally for
depression.
2. Live forgiven towards yourself and others.
3. Compromise with that critical “Inner Judge” that only
seems to want to persecute you unfairly.
4. Put down your pride and take ALL the help you can get —
if people offer, accept; if you need help, ask!
5. Implement “quickie” stress relievers such as deep
breathing, going to a getaway in the mind, a quick 10
minute hot shower…
6. Get organized and/or ask for help in doing so. It’s
especially important to do so around daily routines such
as morning rituals, after-school rituals, chores,
mealtimes, baths, bedtimes and family fun time.
7. Keep the clutter-bug out of your life. Commit to only
looking at mail once. Recycle household items
continually — if you’re out of space, it’s time to
recycle. Get your kids involved.
8. Create a single parent co-op, where you can switch on
and off with transporting kids, doing house or
projects, babysitting for each other…
9. Are you doing for your children what they can do for
themselves? Feed their sense of mastery and
independence. They often will feel great knowing they
have helped their family out in some way.
10. Keep a sense of humor. Many a single mother has told
me, “If I didn’t laugh I don’t know what I’d do.”
11. Get your children involved in camps, church, Sunday
Bible School, Big Brother/Big Sister Programs, mentoring
programs. Let others offer what you don’t have the time
or energy to offer.
12. Seek financial advice. Having direction and a plan
sure beats constant worrying!
13. Keep a family calendar. It’s nice to allow your kids
to be in activities, but don’t overdo it — one per season
is a good rule.
14. Make a list of stressors. Decide what you have direct
control over and focus there, first — in ways that you
can. With the other items, learn to let go.
15. Take itty-bitty timeouts just for you! I once knew of
a mom that bought a wild-looking red bath robe. The rule
was when mom came out of her room with that robe on, no
one was allowed to ask for anything unless the house was
on fire.
16. Playing off the co-op idea above, create a single
mothers support group. Single mothers are one of THE
most creative and resourceful groups on the planet! Why
not take full advantage of that! Rotate child care
from meeting to meeting, receive support directly from
others who’ve been there and pool your resources.

There’s no doubt about it, you’ve been carved out for a
very special job here on earth. Your job description is
longer than Santa’s gift list.

The ideas above do work and are working in single mothers’
lives right now. Pick just one area and begin there. When
it’s ALL overwhelming, simply start where you’re at. If
you need help, just let me know.

About the Author

Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW is an author, university faculty member, success coach and veteran sychotherapist
whose passion is guiding others to their own success in life. For weekly doses of the webs HOTTEST success tips,
sign up for Dave’s powerful “Feeling Great!” ezine at
http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com